It’s over one year since I last journeyed to my magical place of self-care. It’s not a place that you may associate with self-care, but it works for me. A bakery in Budgewoi, on the Central Coast of New South Wales here in sunny Australia. A place of custard tarts… and healing.
I’m in-between contracts yet again. Despite my contract at my old workplace extended until the end of June 2023, fate intervened. An ex-colleague pinged me on LinkedIn, and one thing lead to another. If you liken workplaces to romantic relationships, what could I say about my old workplace? Ups and downs, yet going nowhere for me. So here I am, sitting on a chair overlooking a river in Budgewoi once again.
My colleagues from the old workplace now know too well about my Budgewoi trips. “Yes, Allan — custard tarts, surf and going barefoot. Heard you the first time.”
Since arriving last night, I’ve hit the surf twice. Even with a bit of rain, it didn’t deter me. The weather brightened up this morning, so I was off to the supermarket for sunscreen. Making my way into the glorious waves, my stress and mental anguish wash away. At 44 (nearly 45!) years of age, my pasty and pudgy whiteness even makes the white sandy beach look tanned in comparison. I don’t care. Vitality washes over me as the cold surf and warm sun act as my therapy.
Where did my stress come from? For months, I worked way too hard. I trusted the wrong people. I took on board the views of people I don’t respect.
Yet what did I learn? Do your thing well (that’s never been a problem). Don’t “help” people — either lead by example, or create a space for them to help themselves. Guard and maintain boundaries. Watch your energy levels — who is depleting them? Don’t rush in with solutions. Organisations will not always want to improve; don’t let this realisation diminish you.
The world of organisations is a huge, flawed system. Robert Hogan is one of the world’s most influential organisational psychologists. Gobsmacked, I remember him saying how organisations choose the majority of leaders. Through winning a political process. That’s all. I see political process taking a front seat in most organisations.
Huge, flawed systems fail both the vulnerable and effective with impunity. Many of us know about vulnerable people who fall through the cracks of systems. Mental health, education and other huge systems. Do many of us think about the life draining out of well-meaning people working these systems?
While it’s fun to view working life as a game, does it get the best of us? I have learned that the best professionals bring both their head and heart to their work. Yet the game demands only one’s head — a pragmatic understanding of where power lies, and how to tap into it.
Why is this the case? Could systems originate from those who brought their head and heart to work? Their vision ignited imaginations and action. Yet I can see two broad categories of people who maintain systems. Those who follow the spirit of the law, and those who follow the letter of it. It’s the actions and sometimes mean-spiritedness of the latter that intrigue me. Everything changes from the intent they put out in the world.
From the original vision of a passionate small business owner. The actions from both their head and heart forge an excellent reputation. Their community embraces the fresh perspective of someone who cares and delivers. New team members join our crusader. Yet all it takes is one who pays lip service to the ‘heart’ part of hearts and minds. Their ignorance of the spirit and adoption of the letter play a different note to their team. Yet the small business grows. The owner may seek to systemise the magic of their original offering. They eschew their ideals for scale. Or they can’t see the true colours of a growing contingent of those who only bring their head to their work.
In time, the owner’s original vision morphs into a large-scale offering. Yet the offering lacks. It’s a like a meal without pizazz. It’s not one made with love. It’s a meal indeed. But without the chilli and oregano from the owner’s garden at home. It’s a passing grade, to the owner’s original regular high distinction grades.
Someone comes along years later. The owner has moved on. Those around preserve the “boring meal” status quo. Yet this new someone has their own garden of fresh chill and oregano. They itch to add flair to the proverbial meal. Somehow this new someone gets to add the chilli and oregano to the meal. Yet hear from team mates that this “isn’t what the customer wants”, or “is against our way of doing things”.
Discouraged, this new person’s heart to add flair to the meal diminishes. For a while. Then frustration — or defiance — flashes strong. Their heart to challenge the status quo is now here. Yet over time, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, their heart to introduce flair diminishes. Creation, experimentation and direct customer feedback fed the original owner’s fire. Yet this new person is an outlier amidst those with no fire. Thus their fire diminishes.
Wiser, I know my own heart. It’s the heart of the small business owner. I’ve had the great fortune of meeting people with the heart of a small business owner. Our time together is energising. They are down-to-earth, encouraging and I’m grateful that people like them exist in our world.
It’s funny how much an artist these types of people are. One I know from my work as a provisional psychologist. Yet another in my organisational work. Both are artists with great social intelligence. One uses the art of therapy to help people open up. He speaks their language — or as he put it: “Be a man of the people, not the textbook.”
In the last year, I can see that the science of how people behave is important. But not as important as the art of building rapport with them. People are not a ten-step treatment plan, single-presentation, “reduce distress scores” lab rate. This leader serves in his community, and has built an excellent practice. He gives back, and gave me the chance to gain valuable experience as a baby psychologist. By this time next year, I should be a registered psychologist.
The original psychologists (psychodynamic dudes like Freud) took a risk. They made leaping attempts to understand people. This understanding didn’t come with scientific rigour. I’m grappling with the idea that people can’t be “scienced”. Do you see a lot of science around people selling to others? Or the true value on how long someone stays at an organisation due to genuine regard from a well-respected people leader? Lately, the scientist/practitioner model has infused psychologist training. It’s awesome, yet has some detractions. For those of us making a proverbial ‘meal’, it’s a great cookbook. A proverbial “ten steps to treating depression” for example. Yet many people eating this meal don’t want a standard meal. They have complicated needs to say the least.
Thank goodness for the artist/psychologists amongst us. They challenge conventional practice for the benefit of clients. They practice good psychology yet think on their feet to help clients. Are the best psychologists ones completely attuned to their client? Manualised treatment plans fall by the wayside in the discovery of the client’s worldview.
The other is a people leader of significant force. Ironically this person isn’t put up on an organisational pedestal in the hierarchy. This person is humble, shrewd and trusts yet verifies who people are. Everyone seems to be mates with this person. Even with people I can’t stand. Their approach is relaxed and casual. I’m in awe of their abilities. They have the heart and soul of a small business owner. One who invites others to help them create a better future. I may not have it in me, but I know that I bring different strengths to the table.
One more year older and wiser. I love heading to the bakery, and to my surf therapy on the coast. Each trip serves to end each chapter.
Rather than talk about “six ways to sort yourself out”, or link to scientific articles, I told a story. My story may make you think about the things you do to heal.
So, dear reader:
What end-of-chapter rituals do you enjoy?
What values do you hold dear? Who has similar values to you ?