Adversity is indeed a gift. This was something I learned much earlier in my career. I worked for a dreadful boss who made it clear that I was very much unwanted in their team. This person went out of their way to put me down in front of others on many occasions. Their contempt and sense of superiority were breathtaking. This person sought to isolate me from others. The organisational culture wasn’t exactly open and bubbly. An entire day could go by without me doing much except for stacking the photocopier.
This boss would berate me over small, insignificant things in front of others. I didn’t complain, yet other managers would speak to me and say that I was being bullied. One manager raised the matter higher up. My boss’ bullying behaviour went from overt to covert. The attacks became more oblique and sneaky. I also learned of my boss’ close relationship with Human Resources. I was a pawn on this workplace chessboard.
Unfortunately, due to personal circumstances, I couldn’t up and leave. So while I felt stuck reporting to this dreadful person, I chose to learn from the situation.
James Stockdale was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. He was a prisoner for several years, facing regular torture. I learned about the Stockdale paradox — confronting the brutal facts about adverse situations.
Jim Collins asking Stockdale about those in the prison camp “Who didn’t make it out?”
“The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart….
This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
- James Stockdale, in Jim Collins’ book Good to Great
This is where I came across Stoic philosophy. I got to practice mental endurance and face this awful, lonely working situation. I had ample time to explore new ways of thinking and learn to take full advantage of the seemingly crappy situation I was in.
#1 Stoicism teaches us about healthy conflict management
Stoicism, an Ancient Greek philosophy teaches us to be our own harshest critics. It encourages us to do two things: not take things personally and seek truth with an open mind. Yet many people ignore these lessons.
Thinking more critically about ourselves and others is uncomfortable. We’re often too quick to jump to conclusions over the words of others or get defensive when we feel attacked.
I learned to sit with the discomfort of the situation that I was in at work. I did try to speak with my boss in a gentle yet respectful way and got shut down every time. I was also bored at work and put my hand up to take on extra tasks where I could. My boss would see this and would intentionally volunteer others. So, I learned to take advantage of my circumstance. I was left to my own devices and was always on top of my work, so no one could fault me. I use the time each day to study and develop my own skillset.
The great thing about my circumstance is that I love the actual job I was doing. I got paid to help others, and I brought my absolute best to my job. My boss had little to no control over this part of my job, so I was happy. In bringing my best to my job I brought a sense of empathy and compassion for the people I was helping. It was in this environment I refined my skills in putting myself in other people's shoes.
There is power in self-examination and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Stoic philosophers taught this through a series of exercises. The Dialectical School of Stoic philosophy helped me see that life isn’t black and white. Yes, my work situation was not fun — yet I could see the hidden fruits in this adversity. Stoic philosophers would ask their followers to consider what their personal reaction would be if they were X person in Y situation. How would you address those issues? What would you say? Why did you say it? What would your friend think?
Dialectic exercises are meant to identify your thoughts and feelings. You can then recognize them for what they are — thoughts and feelings — instead of treating them as facts or truths about yourself or others.
What if you engage in Dialectic exercises regularly? Maybe one day you’ll realize how much stress and frustration have stemmed from the judgments you’ve made about other people. What were the facts in these situations? What factors were out of your (or their) control?
#2 Stoicism teaches us about personal agency
This is probably the most powerful lesson that Stoicism teaches us. To be a calm and collected leader, we must understand personal agency. Personal agency describes our ability to make choices about our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. However, it is worth noting that Stoics do not believe in free will.
The idea of free will proposes that we can make any choice we want, regardless of our past experiences or situation. Imagine walking into work and having the option to fire any employee you like for no other reason than because you can. You have complete freedom to do what you want with no consequences or repercussions from your actions. This is an unrealistic expectation of a leader’s authority. Philosophers like Epictetus suggest we have volition. Volition is the capacity for choice which makes us accountable for our own actions and states.
In this seemingly dire work situation of mine, I found there were many things beyond my control. Yet despite this, I had a choice over my attitude and what I would do during my time there. I found that I loved helping people and had quite a knack for it. As I had an incredible amount of free time each week, including a long commute each way, I felt lucky. My workplace was close to a wonderful library too. So I started studying psychology and never looked back.
I channelled my boredom and anxiety (about my awful boss) elsewhere. I realised my determination to ultimately be my own boss. I knew today would suck, but things would get better. During my time with this awful boss, I completed significant psychology studies. I took advantage of the boredom and isolation to do something that gave my life a sense of purpose when I was at work. I was also able to spend plenty of time with my young family because of this under-challenging work environment.
#3 Stoicism teaches us about compartmentalization
Stoicism teaches that we are all on a journey. This is especially relevant for project leaders.
Part of being stoic means accepting the reality of the world (or in my case, my workplace) despite circumstances. The world is full of ups and downs, so it’s important to have a system to cope with it all.
Compartmentalization is one way that Stoics live with this up-and-down nature of life. They believe that if everything in our lives were thrown together without any way to organize things, we would go crazy and be unable to handle anything at all!
Instead, they recommend putting our feelings and thoughts into different “boxes” or “compartments”. This way can handle each situation on its own terms instead of getting overwhelmed by everything at once.
Sitting with my young son at the time, I discipline myself to be quite mindful when around him. I found it easy to ruminate over my awful work situation. But I didn’t want to be far away in my mind when sitting in front of my healthy, beautiful baby son. I knew that this wonderful time in our lives would be gone in an instant. Did I waste time and thoughts on a contemptuous, unsupportive boss and work environment? Yes. But I disciplined myself to be mindful at home where possible. I chose to not let my ruminations spill over into my free time with my family.
I found compartmentalisation quite difficult and still do. Yet by a strong focus on the present moment, I am able to save a life just that little bit more. I did have one startling insight during my time in the work environment. I could see that mental disorders like anxiety and depression could be mitigated to a degree by one thing. Embracing suffering rather than avoiding it.
#4 Stoicism teaches us about self-control
A big part of Stoicism is self-control.
Self-control is defined as the ability to control oneself, one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behaviour, especially in difficult situations.
It can be summed up by the idea that we aren’t always masters of our own fate, but we are masters of how we react to it. In other words, we have control over how a situation affects us emotionally. A situation that might seem devastating isn’t so bad if you don’t let it affect your mood.
Despite the hurts and constant putdowns, I was able to remain calm and friendly at work. Walking into my isolated office in a forgotten part of the building, I would say good morning to my boss and colleagues. I was sometimes greeted in silence, depending on whatever mood this interesting click was in. Rather than get upset or let it spoil my day, I would smile and then get on with my work. By early morning I was completely on top of my work. I then would focus on other activities like my psychology studies which gave my working life greater purpose.
Eventually my time in this awful team was up. I had completed enough time in the team, and a similar role in a big project was coming up. My boss tried to dissuade me from joining this big project, calling it a “career killer”. If anything, hearing this gave me greater motivation to apply for the role. I landed the role and awaited my last day.
On my last day, my boss stood over me as I sat at my desk and barked at me to hand over my equipment. Despite the rudeness shown to me in the person’s gestures and tone I smiled and did what I was asked. Throughout my entire time, I never took the bait and had made the deliberate choice to finish strong. Surprisingly I was asked to join this boss for a drink at a nearby pub. When we got there, I experienced another surprise. Often the boss or colleagues might buy a drink for you or at least say some nice things about your time together. They may even wish you well for the future. In my case I got asked by my boss to buy them a drink. At this stage I complied but was even shocked by the audacity of this. Still, my self-control had been honed to a high degree and I finished our time together with a calm, friendly and professional demeanour.
The study of Stoicism has shown that people who subscribe to this philosophy generally handle stress better than their non-stoic peers. They are less likely to turn their stress into anger or violence. Instead, stoic people use adversity to build grit and character.
They also reduce their risk for heart disease and depression. Why? Those with a stoic mindset react better to negative situations.
In conclusion
For project leaders, the application of Stoic philosophy is not an all-or-nothing endeavour. You can pick and choose which elements are most useful to you, and work on applying them to your life. However, there are four central ideas that it’s worth considering:
- How controlling your own emotions helps you stay level-headed when faced with difficult people and situations.
- How compartmentalizing experiences at work allows you to be more productive in the moment — and more effective in seeing the big picture.
- What it means to have agency over your own life, even when facing obstacles or other people who seem intent on getting in your way.
- And what kind of impact does having a strong moral base have on how you react to others, especially when they’re being difficult or disrespectful.
The best project people I know of are the ones who have learned to let go. They bring a sense of playfulness to their work. Yet their character is strong. They know how to use downtime to recover from an intense work schedule quickly and effectively. Yet they also know the value of sustained effort. They work incredibly hard and switch gears without undue duress. Despite dealing with difficult people and the frustration that comes from this, they keep a sense of humour.
These valuable traits and a stoic mindset are something that is learned through deliberate practice. Not to mention the odd failure on the way. I look at every one of my projects as a wonderful learning ground. I fail at something in each project yet aim to learn from it.
A Stoic leader will understand what it means to have agency over their life, and understand that the actions of others are outside of their control.
In my case, I went on to the next chapter of my career. There were different challenges that again relied on Stoicism. I continued my psychology studies. Each completed subject served as a validation of my ability to change careers and follow my sense of purpose.
In time I learned another startling insight. Being good at what I do and having a strong sense of purpose would often ruffle the feathers of those without that strong competence and purpose. Yet in building my skills, I learned to find work environments that suited me. I sought projects that were far more demanding and attracted those with similar strengths and sense of purpose. My highly skilled colleagues were often far more secure in themselves.
Rather than try to tear others down, they would reward and value anyone who brought solutions to the complex problems we faced. Our collective Stoicism would help us navigate complex problems, long hours and pressure. This environment is my personal sweet spot and to me a far better environment to apply Stoicism.